I am here to blog.Totally I don;t know whats got into me.I really wanna know.I’ve been being absent minded recently I forget alot alot of things.Maybe I’ve been affected by the surroundings in me.The people and the happenings.I don’t know why.I’ve got pissed of by myself easily.I ‘ve got many many doubts in friendships and in myself.I wonder why.Just taking today training for example.I did not notice till after awhile I endured 102LAPS without feeling anything but peeing and sleeping.I can even run and sleep on the same time cos I am really tired and sleepy.But before that there was the DSA trail I am really wondering why RuiWen really chose me upon her?? She can do every single thing that basically I can’t I foul alot and I do nothing but foul get the ball,and the ball get missing I won’t score any ball and contribute nothing when there is match but yetI only foul foul and foul.I ‘ve don’t havfe t he moves and I am dumb on court I make alot of silly mistakes.SO I really wonder why me not her??Whats in em that is good?Whats in me that you see?What potential that I have?I don’t know and yes indeed someone I really need anyone to afirm me with what I can do to contribute to the team.I need encouragement and etc.B;ahed,I am getting more and more fark up by the expectations of RuiWen,everything is me me me.He blames everything o me.He pick only my flaws he dose’nt scold anyone but me.Why is it always me?I don’t understand I wanna know why does he hates me so much?Thats a joke?Yeah,but the previous saying ain’t no joke he picks on me everytime.I don’t get any praise from anyone.I don’t get any encouragement from anyone.But when out of a sudden a light came out from no where Jowilly said “go stephanie Hang ona smile drew across my face I was being encourage by a person who I never thought will encorage me.Wow impresve so I went on.Trainign went on too.Had match and everything ended.I went out of scholl without taking my bottle is a high chance that my bottle would be so gone.Haiz how forgetful I am .I chiong out and RuiWne saw me he said bye and ask where I am rushing to.I said bye and said service.He seems so stunned to know that I go for service but I just said it.i REALISED THAT i ‘ve been starting to be a little biblical.But,I don’t knwo why.I just sing out songs of worship loud I know many can’t stan my sining but I just simply sing.So I went of.Time was ticking ultra slow I bought mac.I ate in the train.I know it was a law not to eat in train.But I am suffering from gastric already and my tummy is crying for great big help.So I ‘ve got no choice,besides I nevr dirtied the train so I just quickly chop chop ate it munch munch and gulp everything was in my tummy(:I never bring my earpiece out of my house so I just had a day without music.Crap-.-I read bible how holy I am Tehehe.But apparently it just like someone talking to me.Cos,tehre are many thigns said that is what I am in doubt with,This is just like so call God spoke to me??Nvm,no one’s really intrested in the further contents if you are intrested tell me I will be more then glad to tell you more.Haha. For the first time on planet earth I reached service the earliest,I am not late and I am ultra early.I took my own sweet time to change and dtand outside the nexus for very long.Then dawn came,so it went on(all in chinese/partly)
Dawn:you alone arh??
Dawn:What you doing here??
Me:Ya,service.Just now I got training
Dawn:Attend alone??Where’s you shepherd??
Me:ehh,ummm(shake my head and tuck my shoulder)
Dawn:I go already
Immediately after she went away my tears drop.The tear just formed automatcilly at teh end of my eyes.I was extreamly down.S he ade agood point I do indeed have a shepherd but she is everytime not with me.I ask her she say she not free.She is always with others.I jsut seems to be liek and invisible nobody.Crap.I keep asking me why am I alone.Tears just drop and drop.Dawn came again.
Dawn:I accompany you emo
Me:I cried just now already
Me:Then you come again
Dawn:(extremly stunned and weird face)
Dawn:Why cry?
Me: You’ve make a pint Idon;t knwo why am I alone here
Dawn:nvm luh,you are not alone you have god with you.
Then nexuxs door open and I went in.Yes she is right I am not alone.Went in,and the first thing was find you partner.I fell even more deep.But I remebered what dawn said I am never alone.So yeah,praise worsip preach altar call and blahed.Went to buy food adn east prayer meet.I da’s b’day.EastA meet,Ida’s b’day celebration.They pranked her.So cool.MinYi’s too.Then blahed.Went for sushi hunting bought ate and went to le’meridian.Eat slacked joked and homed.To grandma market,stayed awhile and home.Blog hop friendster check blog half way zilian and continued to blog.I now feel like sleeping.Yawn,good nites
Tags: afirm me, alone gain, why me above her
